late night thoughts..

so pretty much, i'm really truly trying to understand all that God is doing with this whole high school 'drama' situation...we have like 18 days of school left here & to be honest.....there is NOTHINGG that i will truly hold ties to once i graduate! i really think that God has been preparing me for that very reason, so that i will be able and will be willing to go where he directs me...which for now is Liberty University!!! :D i am absolutely psychedddd about this direction and decision in this chapter of my life! :]

To be real, i don't really have a best friend at school, which has it's pros & cons, but God has most definatelyyyyyy blessed me with amazing best friends that i'm sure will be held on to for years to come! i am content with all that God has chosen to give me at this point in life, because i know that it is all part of His plan for my life, and that just completely keeps me motivated and on the edge of my seat! He's just awesome!!

The friends that He's placed in my life right now, are beyond what i could ever have imagined...they are just awesome! two of the girls in my cadre group are probably..no, definately are my best girl friends, and and few of the guys from my church/youth group are my closest & dearest guy friends....& i wouldn't trade anyyyy of them for the world! i have complete respect for them in different ways, and love just hanging out with them because we always have such an awesome time whenever we're together!!! :D

Anyways, i should rlyyy be heading to bed, but yeahh...just had to get that off :P

nighttt! :]

a few LU pics

here's a few pics of LU :]

the football stadium..[part of it anyway, ha]

a few of the athletic buildings & other stuff

LU displayed on the hill

Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is LIBERTY!

AHH! so, i just got back from Liberty University around 1ish this morning with mom, mary ellyn & mrs. merle and we had so much fun! ok, first off...the 9 hr drive really wasn't as bad as i thought it might be, so i'm releaved of that. & second, i am absolutely amazed with Liberty! i loveee it & am soo psyched to be able to go there this fall! it really is such a God-thing!!! the campus is gorgeous & Lynchburg is like a lil world in itself with the college being the main thing there. i think the thing that really amazes me, is that each and every student is prayed for by name everydayy! i was just really impressed with what God allowed me to see and feel while being there.

i was a little nervous at first with it being soo far away, but then once i got there, i just felt a sense of peace that I was supposed to be there. i felt so at home, and everywhere i went, i felt God's presense surrounding me saying that that's where He wants me for this season in my life. & personally, i'm pumped to see all that He does with me down there, and everything that He's going to equip me for! for the first time in my life, i'm soo excited to start school this fall & begin this new chapter in my life! but anyways....I'm sure that i'll be back to finish elaborating on the things that i love about Liberty! 

& so today, Em's getting married!!! i loveee her so much! she's amazing and she's one of the few people that i know that i can talk to about absolutely everthingg! i'm so happy for her & i hope that she continues to strive for everything that God has for her, because she deserves the BESTTTT! :]

May, may, may i..?

I'm actually quite excited for May because a lot seems to be happening, which should keep life fun, haha.

Sooo..

Sat, May 9th, we have Jr/Sr for school, which should be fun and all just hanging out with our whole class and the Jr's;;

Thurs & Fri, May 14th & 15th, i'm going down to visit Liberty University & I can't wait to see it! :]

Sat, May 16th, i'm going to a wedding which is going to be :D hehe..i'll be there with some friends & i know we'll have a good time for sureee;;

Sat, May 23rd, I'll be at the HF-L prom with one of my friends, and I'm sure we'll have a lot of fun :]

pretty much, i have 3 different formalishhh type dresses for 3 of the 4 big events, haha...i love the dresses that i have picked out for each event, and i'll post pics later of them all cuz yayy, i'm excitedd, lol ;D

OooOooo! & then in June....ohh, in Juneeee!!!!!! AHH, so much craziiness, ahaa!

..my class should be going to darien lake for a couple days [& possibly an overnighterr too], so from that we'll get season passes & whoo-hooooo! that should/would/willll be awesomee!

..THE FRAYYYY! well, they're coming to darien lake after we finish our senior yearr!! sooo can't wait for that! I'll prolly end up going with a pretty good sized group of friends...i'm already going with a few so, funnn!

thennnn…

Saturday, June 27, 2009 - 10am at Elim Gospel Church

................GRADUATIONNNNNN! AHHH!! :D

& thennnnnn……

Sunday, June 28, 2009

...GRAD PARTYYYYY!! whoo-hoooo!

it'll be at mi casa..and we'll be having pulled pork and everythinggg, so it'll be sooo nice to be able to see everyone who comes, and who can make it! 

things seem to be building up, and it all feels like it's going to go by sooo extremely fast!!

..but through everything I'm going to be trusting God more then everr with all of these decisions and with allll of the plans God has for my life, and all that He's going to do...can't wait! God is in total control! He's so good!!

¡mi vida pongo en tus manos y en tu presencia quiero estar! :D

18 years..

celebrating 18 years that God has given me life! I'm so thankful for everything that He's done and continues to do throughout my life here on earth! 

well i was talking with my parents, and they mentioned something about becoming an adult when i turn 18...& wow, that's crazy. I'm excited to see all that God has planned for me in my future, but it's also a little intimidating because i have noooo clue where i'll end up, and all that goes with it. it's a new chapter in my life, and i'm soo ready for God to continue writing it, along with my love story.

God has blessed me with an amazing family, whom i completely loveee [even though we may hit a few rough patches here & there...i love them through everything]. He has also given me a few close friends who i cherish and totally enjoy spending time with.....as well as a loveeee for life!

All that I am is because of Him, and who i continue to be....for this, I am truly thankful & blessed!! :]

flying on a jet planeee!

so tomorrow morning, at 7:25, i'll be taking off on a jet plane to go down to TEXAS! ahhh!!! i'm so psyched to be visiting Chris and the whole fam! :]

i've flown for my whole life, like literally..i was a couple months when i first flew, and then have been ever since, ha. i even have little wings that the stewardess[sp] gave me when i was coming to the states from china at like 3 months old, hehe. i've actually always found flying relaxing and something that i really enjoy doing....only, this is the first time i'll be flying by myself. i'm not too nervous, but i'm really praying that nothing goes wrong, and that everything works out smoothly so i don't get stressed, ha. i'm flying out from here [rochester] and then i have a layover in chicago [i loveee the chicago o'haire airport!!! their toilets are awesomeeee! ahaa..if you have any questions, just watch the video on my myspace, lol ;P  ] then from chicago, i go straight down to dallas/fort worth, which yayy..means i'm thereeee! & then Val's going to be picking me up..i can't wait to see them!!!!! :]

..so i'll be there for the week, and then coming home at the end of spring break!

& thennnnn......if tammy has her baby when i'm gone, then mom & i will be heading to PA as soooon as i get back! AHHHHHH, sooo much excitementttt! hehe

&& thennnnnnnn...........the following weekend is my 18th bday!! [the 25th] whoo-hooooo! so yeahh, as you can tell i'm pretty excited about things happening in life these next couple weeks! hahaa...then we graduate in juneeee! hallelujahhh!! PRAISE GOD! :]

..so yeah, pretty much i intended this to be a reallyyyy short entry because i have to finish packing, lol....figures, rightt?! :P

but i shall be keeping things updated when i can about the trip and all that funn stuff! hehe...

!pues, hasta luego!

thought provoking thoughts..hmm

So i was riding home with Em from cadre tonight and we got into this really good discussion..it started off being about how we're faced with questions regarding the Bible and God and other things of that nature & then we ended up talking about being prepared for when those questions arise. we were saying how we're always reminded that we need to be fully equiped for whatever questions may come our way, but we realized how often we're not so ready when we're confronted with those types of questions. i guess this really got me thinking too...

As i kept thinking about all this, i began to really form an opinion. i really don't think that you can ever 'fully' be equiped with the knowledge of God to answer every single question thrown your way. if we had the ability to do that, then God wouldn't be God. we would sorta be like mini gods i guess because all of the glory wouldn't be God's, but instead ours, which is not at all right or how it should be. also, we never stop learning things about God, who He is, or His creations...for it's all so extravagant, and we would never be able to take it in all at once either..that's just how it is...

Because i don't know everything about God, that just makes me desire to know more about Him. too many times i'm not ready or prepared enough to answer the tough questions that i'm faced with about God and His ways, and i sometimes feel defeated because i wasn't ready. i know i'll never know every piece of information that Go is holding, and why he does certain things, but i know that i want to be more confident when the time comes for God to use me. 

They say that if you do something for 21 days then it becomes a habit...well, i began to wonder..if, for 21 days, you really studied, pondered and applied what you studied with these questions that you're faced with, will the answers become 'habits'? i bet if you take a question that you might come face to face with unexpectly, and really study it for 21 days, then when you're approached with it, you'll be prepared to answer with the things that God's shown you. 

I want to be able to give a response confidently, that is from the Lord, when i am faced with these things...but it's my responsibility to go after and see for myself what He wants me to pass on..

21 days...hmm, this could be good :]

spring breakk!

So, i'm pretty much psycheddd for spring break this year! Last year for winter break, i was in mexico down in oaxaca at roca blanca and i like fell in love with it down there! but this year i didn't completely feel God calling me to go on the mission trip down there for spring break, but i'm still going to have funnn!

I've been a little stressed..[just a lil, ha]...and so on sunday i just finalized my spring break plans to get away, & it's less than 2 wks away.....i'm going down to texas to visit Chris! and his whole fam, which is pretty much part of my family anyways, lol, but i soo can't wait!!! we're been trying to go down and visit them for as longggg as i can remember because whenever we see them, it's always when they're up at the lake..so i'd say it's about time! the only thing is, is that with all my dad's going through and the chemo and everything, my mom isn't able to go down with me...so it's just going to be me. i don't think i've been so excited about something in a long while..so yayyy! :]

..but anyways, that's mostly it for now. i was just so excited that i had to write about it, hehe ;D

trials & decisions..

Well..life has been.....challenging to say the least, where to begin...

First off, my dad has recently been rediagnosed with hodgkins cancer. it's definately something that you don't want to go through, but something that you know God has done for a reason, and that He will use it to bring glory to His name in the end. i admit, it's difficult to see that part of the picture now, but maybe that's just part of it..not seeing the whole picture, that is. I just pray that the side effects of the chemo [which he starts tomorrow] won't take a huuugeee toll on him though, because i hate seeing him have to go through it all.....it hate seeing people have to bear the pain and suffering of things like this...& especially when it's mi padre..

Next, i just got accepted to Liberty University, and i'm really quite excited. since about last march, i thought i had felt the call of God in my life to go down to Mexico for a few months this coming fall before starting school, just to do work for Him and draw closer to Him. although having gone through this past school year, i'm really starting to wonder if that's what God has for me, or if He wants me to go down to LU or somewhere else so that I can fellowship with other people. this is all mostly because this past year has been a hard one with friendships and everything. and to be honest, over the past couple months i've really, truly learned that i need to let God just write my love story, because no matter how hard i try, it just doesn'tttt work at allll. i'm just praying that God reveals to me in His timing and His will, who He wants me to be with, because i know that it'll be sooo much more than i ever expected or could find for myself! that's the cool thing about it! i'm just so psyched and can't waitt for it to happen!! :]

I'm just completely ready for school to be over and done with, so that i can go on with my life and experience all that God has in store for me. I just need to see the world, and everything beyond the walls of my school [that i've been in for almost 12 years]...it's just time, that's all. as of tomorrow, we have 3 months until graduation....Sat, June 27, 2009!! so can't wait..and then only to have my grad party the day after that! that's like the one thing that seems to keep me going as of now.

And then, Tammy [my cousin] is pregnant with her 2nd..soon to be named London, and then her & DJ's son Dawson. She's not due until lateee april/early may, but she started to dialate a week or so ago, and now she's having slight contractions because of some complications..baby London's still alive, but she only weighs about 3 lbs and from what they can tell, she isn't growing or gaining any of the nutrition that she needs, hence her light weight. we're all starting to get nervous, even though we're trusting and believing in God for a miracle to take place, so that little London will be healthy, as well as Tammy. 

With all of this going on, plus so much more school related stress/discomfort, i'm just soo completely ready to get out and at least get away during spring break. i don't think that i've ever felt or been so ready in my lifeeeee! all that i can do right now is just lean on God to carry me through all of this until it's over...but sometimes it really is hard because it feels as if there's no point in it anymore..ughh, i hate feeling like that! sometimes i wish that everything would just end so that i wouldn't have to deal with it anymore, but then if nothing was there to deal with, i wouldn't feel as if i had a need for God anymore. the year 2009 seems like it has been the most challenging year of my life so far, but i'm sure that God has planned something great and amazing as it goes on, it's just up to Him when it's time to reveal it all to us..

Life...in portions

Well..i guess i'm switching it up for right now with a different type of blog than i usually do because, well, i just have a lot on my mind and that i'm struggling with so here we go.......

For about the past month and a half, things have just been like a complete up and down roller coaster that i wish that i could just get off and be done with it.  i can randomly just come home and start crying if i happen to think of something or what not, because it sometimes just seems like i don't even recognize my life and i don't know what's happening..kind of like i missed a huge chunk of my life when i was in the middle of living it, and i can't remember what happened.  things seem like they've just been so stressful, and no matter how hard i try, they don't and won't get any easier.  i know God is putting me through all of this so that i can learn to just put all i am and all of my faith and trust in Him, but it's really hard at times...i really wish it wasn't this hard, and that it didn't necessarily seem like you're loosing yourself in the process, but i'm starting to realize that i never completely have myself if i'm not totally 100% consumed and emerced in God Himself. 

There's times during the day or the week that i just feel completely helpless and that no matter what i attempt to do or let go of, the burden never gets any lighter.  These past few weeks, i've had some of the people that i thought i was closest to, just completely turn against me and barely even talk to me unless it's at their convenience.  i don't want to lose the friendships, but i also recognize the fact that i can't invest all that i am into making things work when they aren't putting in their share because then i just got totally worn out and drained.

I'm also trying to deal with the possibility of my dad getting his cancer back, and as much as i want to not think about it, it's there in the back of my mind.  There's always things that you know you should think about because of what might happen, but i honestly just can't bring myself to take time and think about it because it's like i almost don't want to look at it straight up....or else then i know it might be really happening and i don't even want to go there right now..

I mean, i'm trying to trust God with everything in me and all that i am, but during everything when it seems like it's just you, it's hard, ya know...it's hard to recognize the fact that you're not doing it all alone, but you always have Him right beside you, carrying you along the way.  But anyway....yeah, just had to get that out before i could fall asleep, so goodnightt :]