spring breakk!

So, i'm pretty much psycheddd for spring break this year! Last year for winter break, i was in mexico down in oaxaca at roca blanca and i like fell in love with it down there! but this year i didn't completely feel God calling me to go on the mission trip down there for spring break, but i'm still going to have funnn!

I've been a little stressed..[just a lil, ha]...and so on sunday i just finalized my spring break plans to get away, & it's less than 2 wks away.....i'm going down to texas to visit Chris! and his whole fam, which is pretty much part of my family anyways, lol, but i soo can't wait!!! we're been trying to go down and visit them for as longggg as i can remember because whenever we see them, it's always when they're up at the lake..so i'd say it's about time! the only thing is, is that with all my dad's going through and the chemo and everything, my mom isn't able to go down with me...so it's just going to be me. i don't think i've been so excited about something in a long while..so yayyy! :]

..but anyways, that's mostly it for now. i was just so excited that i had to write about it, hehe ;D

trials & decisions..

Well..life has been.....challenging to say the least, where to begin...

First off, my dad has recently been rediagnosed with hodgkins cancer. it's definately something that you don't want to go through, but something that you know God has done for a reason, and that He will use it to bring glory to His name in the end. i admit, it's difficult to see that part of the picture now, but maybe that's just part of it..not seeing the whole picture, that is. I just pray that the side effects of the chemo [which he starts tomorrow] won't take a huuugeee toll on him though, because i hate seeing him have to go through it all.....it hate seeing people have to bear the pain and suffering of things like this...& especially when it's mi padre..

Next, i just got accepted to Liberty University, and i'm really quite excited. since about last march, i thought i had felt the call of God in my life to go down to Mexico for a few months this coming fall before starting school, just to do work for Him and draw closer to Him. although having gone through this past school year, i'm really starting to wonder if that's what God has for me, or if He wants me to go down to LU or somewhere else so that I can fellowship with other people. this is all mostly because this past year has been a hard one with friendships and everything. and to be honest, over the past couple months i've really, truly learned that i need to let God just write my love story, because no matter how hard i try, it just doesn'tttt work at allll. i'm just praying that God reveals to me in His timing and His will, who He wants me to be with, because i know that it'll be sooo much more than i ever expected or could find for myself! that's the cool thing about it! i'm just so psyched and can't waitt for it to happen!! :]

I'm just completely ready for school to be over and done with, so that i can go on with my life and experience all that God has in store for me. I just need to see the world, and everything beyond the walls of my school [that i've been in for almost 12 years]...it's just time, that's all. as of tomorrow, we have 3 months until graduation....Sat, June 27, 2009!! so can't wait..and then only to have my grad party the day after that! that's like the one thing that seems to keep me going as of now.

And then, Tammy [my cousin] is pregnant with her 2nd..soon to be named London, and then her & DJ's son Dawson. She's not due until lateee april/early may, but she started to dialate a week or so ago, and now she's having slight contractions because of some complications..baby London's still alive, but she only weighs about 3 lbs and from what they can tell, she isn't growing or gaining any of the nutrition that she needs, hence her light weight. we're all starting to get nervous, even though we're trusting and believing in God for a miracle to take place, so that little London will be healthy, as well as Tammy. 

With all of this going on, plus so much more school related stress/discomfort, i'm just soo completely ready to get out and at least get away during spring break. i don't think that i've ever felt or been so ready in my lifeeeee! all that i can do right now is just lean on God to carry me through all of this until it's over...but sometimes it really is hard because it feels as if there's no point in it anymore..ughh, i hate feeling like that! sometimes i wish that everything would just end so that i wouldn't have to deal with it anymore, but then if nothing was there to deal with, i wouldn't feel as if i had a need for God anymore. the year 2009 seems like it has been the most challenging year of my life so far, but i'm sure that God has planned something great and amazing as it goes on, it's just up to Him when it's time to reveal it all to us..

Life...in portions

Well..i guess i'm switching it up for right now with a different type of blog than i usually do because, well, i just have a lot on my mind and that i'm struggling with so here we go.......

For about the past month and a half, things have just been like a complete up and down roller coaster that i wish that i could just get off and be done with it.  i can randomly just come home and start crying if i happen to think of something or what not, because it sometimes just seems like i don't even recognize my life and i don't know what's happening..kind of like i missed a huge chunk of my life when i was in the middle of living it, and i can't remember what happened.  things seem like they've just been so stressful, and no matter how hard i try, they don't and won't get any easier.  i know God is putting me through all of this so that i can learn to just put all i am and all of my faith and trust in Him, but it's really hard at times...i really wish it wasn't this hard, and that it didn't necessarily seem like you're loosing yourself in the process, but i'm starting to realize that i never completely have myself if i'm not totally 100% consumed and emerced in God Himself. 

There's times during the day or the week that i just feel completely helpless and that no matter what i attempt to do or let go of, the burden never gets any lighter.  These past few weeks, i've had some of the people that i thought i was closest to, just completely turn against me and barely even talk to me unless it's at their convenience.  i don't want to lose the friendships, but i also recognize the fact that i can't invest all that i am into making things work when they aren't putting in their share because then i just got totally worn out and drained.

I'm also trying to deal with the possibility of my dad getting his cancer back, and as much as i want to not think about it, it's there in the back of my mind.  There's always things that you know you should think about because of what might happen, but i honestly just can't bring myself to take time and think about it because it's like i almost don't want to look at it straight up....or else then i know it might be really happening and i don't even want to go there right now..

I mean, i'm trying to trust God with everything in me and all that i am, but during everything when it seems like it's just you, it's hard, ya know...it's hard to recognize the fact that you're not doing it all alone, but you always have Him right beside you, carrying you along the way.  But anyway....yeah, just had to get that out before i could fall asleep, so goodnightt :]

V.oftheDay [3.1.09]

[Psalms 143:8]

Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for i have put my trust in You. Show me the way i should go, for to You i lift up my soul.

Thoughts..

Well, recently things have sorta just been a big blue and kinda draining. i've been feeling so exhausted, both mentally and phsically..& this whole 'senioritis' thing has really kicked in....big time! there are many things that i have become unsure about, and when those things really start to set in, i feel almost helpless in ways. i know that God is in control of each and every situation, and that i need to let Him take the reign more, but at times it really is hard to keep that first in mind. there are a few people and a couple friends that have really been the ones to help me keep going, and who i know are there. it's during the hard times that you truly realize who your real friends are, and those who are just using you and are 'convenience friends.'

This being a major time in life with decision making, i'm really begining to realize that what you want to be there, or think might be there, is only right when it's what God wants and has in store for you. don't try to make it into something that isn't part of God's plan...His will for you is soooo much more incredible than what you could possibly think up yourself.

new song :]

well..instead of writing about a verse, i thought that i'd share a song that i wrote in the fall of 08.....so here we go & let me know what you think :]

[verse 1]

There's times when

The world feels

As if all fades away

I'm broken, and shaken

Before You now I lay

But I'm reminded

Of all that You've done for me

You've given me hope secure

[chorus]

What can I say?

What can I do?

I want to draw close to You

In everything I do

All that I am

All that's in me

You are the everything

That makes me, me

[verse 2]

When all else

Seems to fail

I'll lay myself down at Your throne

And seek Your, Your Holy face

I'm crying out Lord

You've shown Your glory

Your mercy and grace

And I"m never letting go

[chorus]

What can I say?

What can I do?

I want to draw close to You

In everything I do

All that I am

All that's in me

You are the everything

That makes me, me

[bridge]

And now I draw near

I'm standing here now

I cry out to You

My heart's giving all

[chorus]

© R.Rose 2008

V.oftheDay [1.25.09]

Well..it's been a little while since i've done a V.oftheDay, so let's get back into it.  This past week has probably been one of the hardest ones that i've dealt with, and let's just say i wouldn't want a repeat of it.  Even though times just get so overwhelming and seem almost impossible to cope with; and those who you thought were always there for you, disappoint you, remember that through Him, there is a Hope so great that will never let us down.  

[Romans 5:5]

And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured

out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He

has given us.

Thoughts..

In today's world, everyone 'hopes,' but in reality, do people really have HOPE? When we truly have hope, we are assuring ourselves that what we believe will and can really happen. Hope is something that God has blessed us with and not only just places it within us and our lives, but He continually refreshes and replentishes the Hope that we have within us. Just as our bodies feed off of food and oxygen, our hearts feed off of the love and hope that we have in God. We will always have an assurance that can't be found anywhere else, except through the Holy Spirit. Even when things seem like they're at their lowest point, and people closest to you disappoint you more than you thought they could, God will still live within you and give you a Hope that will never fail you.

V.oftheDay [1.18.09]

So, today when I went to go write about today's verse, I got a call from one of my parents saying that they had gotten their car stuck in the snow and needed some help to get out.  I could tell that they were a little frustrated because they needed to get somewhere...so when we finished talking, I left and went to go find them to help out.  When I got to where the 'snow-bound' car was, I realized that it was going to be a challenge with just the 2 of us.  For about 15 min we struggled through trying to even just move the car a little bit.  We pushed & we were on our knees trying to do everything that seemed possible at the time; we were loosing energy.  And as we were thinking about just stopping, leaving it there and then coming back later.  But as we started to get into my car, another car started to slow down and pull over.  They asked if we would like some help, and we said yes with much thanks.  We tried for about another 5 minutes, and then another person pulled over and just started to help us push, and with another 2 minutes, the car was no longer stuck and we were able to leave.  As I came back and continued writing, I realized that the verse went really well with the situation that was just encountered..

[Romans 5:3-4]

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and 

trials for we know that they are good for us - they help

us learn to be patient.  And patience develops strength

of character in us and helps us trust God more each time

we use it until finally our hope and faith are strong and

steady.

Thoughts..

Even though at times, our problems don't seem to have any hope at the end, just hang in there and have faith.  I think that too often, we just try to do everything by ourselves and then we bring ourselves down with the mindset that we just can't do it.  We stop trying and  give up instead of asking God to come and intervene [or send people to help us along the way..].  I know at times, we want to just do it all by ourselves, but in reality, everyone needs a little help every now and then...whether it has to do with advice, moving something, planning, or even a little favor.  Sometimes, I think that for us to realize and except help, God has to bring us to our lowest point so that we feel we can't do it anymore without Him or His 'angels.'

Today, when we had the help of a few strangers, at that point in time, it felt like one person.  We don't know who those people are, and we may most likely never know, but for them to just stop and take 5 minutes of their time to help us, it made all the difference.  I believe that God sends us angels in disguise to help us out and to just give us that extra little push that we need to keep going.  

Perseverance develops Character, and Character produces Hope..!

[Whisper His Name - Deluge]

Whisper His name [Jesus]

Whisper His name [Jesus]

Whisper His name [Jesus]

And He will answer you.

Whisper His name [Jesus]

Whisper His name [Jesus]

Whisper His name [Jesus]

And He will come to you.

Call out His name [Jesus]

Call out His name [Jesus]

Call out His name [Jesus]

And He will come to you.

Shout out His name [Jesus]

Shout out His name [Jesus]

Shout out His name [Jesus]

And He will run to you.

For when we lose our selfish pride

And when we fall down on our knees

We lift our hands to You

And say You're all I need.

Glory to You in the Highest Place

Glory to You in the Highest Place

Glory to You in the Highest Place

V.oftheDay [1.17.09]

¡buenas tardes mis amigos! I hope you're doing well this beautiful & white winter morning...well, i'm back again with another verse & song of the day for you to enjoy and think about....

[Romans 5:1-2]

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, 

we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 

through whom we have gained access by faith into this 

grace in which we now stand.  And we rejoice in the hope 

of the Glory of God.

Thoughts..

Justification, Peace, Access, Grace, Hope, and Glory--wow..just look at everything that we've been given through Christ & that we have in His name.  This is all ours, if we choose to seek, follow, and make Him Lord of our lives.  We are saved by God's Grace and are given life through Him.  Let God be your everything, and allow Him to do His work through you.  All that we are and ever hope to be, can only be complete with Him in the front of our lives.  Let it become your prayer every morning before you get out of bed, for God to just use you in every way possible so that all you do that day will bring Glory to His name..

Let Him be our everything..!

[Everything - Tim Hughes]

God in my living

There in my breathing

God in my waking

God in my sleeping.

God in my resting

There in my working

God in my thinking

God in my speaking.

Be my everything

Be my everything

Be my everything

Be my everything.

God in my hoping

There in my dreaming

God in my watching

God in my waiting.

God in my laughing

There in my weeping

God in my hurting

God in my healing.

Christ in me

Christ in me

Christ in me the Hope of Glory

You are everything.

Christ in me

Christ in me

Christ in me the Hope of Glory

Be my everthing.

Verse of the Day [1.16.09]

Well, with this being my first blog entry in A Rae of Light, I was trying to think of something that I would be able to write about and have consistent entries in....& one of the first things that came to mind was a 'Verse of the Day!' :]  I'm sort of excited about this, because not only can I share my thoughts about verses, but I'm able to keep up with my devos...also, if you don't already know this, I lovee music, so when I think of a song that goes with what I'm writing about, i'll probably end up adding it to the end of my entry..& even if it doesn't go, but is still in my head, I'll most likely end up putting it in here anyways, haha....& if I happen to miss days then I'll be sure & really try to review some verses and things I've gone over...

So, for starters, here's the verse of the day, for today....

[Proverbs 10:11]

The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life,

but violence overwhelms the mouth of the wicked.

Thoughts..

    The words that we choose to say with our mouths, reflect our hearts and have the power to bring life into others.  Not only are we able to speak life into people and things, but our tongues also have the power to speak negatively into others and upon ourselves.  The tongue also has the power to speak death into people.  Even though the tongue is the smallest organ within us, it can have the most power and can also be the biggest weapon that we carry.  We should choose to use it wisely, and not use it to harm others.  The tongue can also be the biggest blessing if we use it to lift each other up and worship our God, and praise Him with everything in us.   What we say about people or things and the attitudes that we have toward them, can determine the outcome of them.  We need to choose to be a blessing to others and to speak life and into them, and not choose to speak negative words upon them.  With all that God has blessed us with, let us choose to bless others and share with them the love that God continually gives to us..

Choose to be a blessing for life..!

[John Waller - The Blessing]

Let it be said of us

While we walked among the living

Let it be said of us

By the ones we leave behind

Let it be said of us

That we lived to be a blessing for life.

Let it be said of us

That we gave to rach the dying

Let it be said of us

By the fruit we leave behind

Let it be said of us

That our legacy is blessing for life.

This day

You set life, You set death right before us

This day

Every blessing and curse is a choice now

And we will choose to be a blessing for life.

Let it be said of us

That our hearts belonged to Jesus

Let it be said of us

That we spoke the Words of Life

Let it be said of us

That our heritage is blessing for life.

For Your Kingdom, For our Children

For the sake of every nation

We will choose to be a blessing for life..